I believe spirit is shapeless.
It moves beyond labels, beyond logic, beyond fear. Spirit flows through experience, through curiosity, through desire, through the ache of letting go. It doesn’t care for categories—it wants connection, truth, and growth. That’s why it didn’t feel strange at all when I found myself drawn to another woman.
Story time:
I became enamored with her while interviewing her on Zoom for a podcast about hair. She wasn’t just gorgeous—she was thoughtful, magnetic, and our conversation left me yearning for more. I hadn’t expected to be attracted to her—but I also wasn’t confused by it. Spirit doesn’t move in straight lines.
I was still talking to a man at the time, but a few months after that relationship ended, I reached out to her.
We met for lunch and vibed really well. In my head—it was a date! I was super excited about it too. I dressed up in one of my better outfits without looking too desperate. And I made sure to spray myself with one of my finer perfumes.
Meeting her in person was a dream come true. Our conversation was endless; we ended up staying at the restaurant for nearly four hours. In that time, my comfort grew tenfold! I watched her smile move between confidence and softness. She created a safe space for me to open up fully about dating, mothering, and much more.
During that date, I solidified in my head that she and I would be amazing together!
I don’t think she saw it the same way, Rather, she kept her cards close – not even confirming that she was into women also.
She reached out to me the next day. We started speaking multiple times a day either via phone or text. This went on for a few weeks, but she never let on that she was actually “into me.”
Though she asked about my intent multiple times—how and why I became attracted to her when I’d never been with a woman before. She used that curiosity as a shield, a hesitation, a reason not to go deeper. But I was clear: I wasn’t confused. I was interested. Open. Intentional.
All the while, I had a quiet sense that she might still be entangled with someone else—their presence hovered in the background.
Then she took a trip abroad right before Easter. When she returned, something had shifted.
She turned cold—distant in a way that felt abrupt.
I finally asked what was going on, and she acted surprised. As if I had no reason to feel anything. As if our long, late-night conversations and intimate confessions were just… nothing. As if we hadn’t talked about pleasure. Desire. Fantasies.
Rather than lash out, I put my pride aside and apologized for any misunderstanding on my part. I said I’d step back. She didn’t hesitate to let me take the blame—never once acknowledging the ways she’d led, responded, or leaned in too.
I muted her on social media and deleted her contact—not in anger, but as a way to protect the space I was creating within myself.
Every now and then, I notice she still watches my stories. I won’t lie—it stirs something.
But I remind myself: curiosity is not commitment. Presence isn’t participation.
Her ambiguity is no longer mine to decipher.
Reflection:
What I learned is this: vulnerability is spiritual work. It’s not automatic because one is born female.
While I grew up in a loving, emotionally expressive home, I know that’s not the case for everyone. Many people live behind walls they’ve built to survive—and they don’t always know how to let others in.
As a free spirit, I try to accept and express all parts of myself: Curiosity. Desire. Softness. Disappointment.
I move with clarity, even when it’s uncomfortable.
But not everyone is ready to meet that kind of openness.
This experience reminded me that the healthy feminine—whether in a man or woman—isn’t about gender or romance. It’s about softness that doesn’t collapse. Truth that doesn’t chase. Wholeness that doesn’t need to be mirrored to exist.
People fear the feminine because it asks them to feel.
To listen. To slow down. To speak clearly. To show up.
That kind of power isn’t loud, but it transforms everything it touches.
🌿 Have you ever offered your full heart, only to realize the other person wasn’t ready to receive it? What did you learn about yourself in that moment?