Free Falling

It was two years ago that I fell in love with J. I met him at his job so that he could drive us to the Cheesecake Factory. He looked so good that I could barely look him in the eye.

In the past two years, we’ve gone through ups and downs that have taught us a lot about how to be together. Last August we moved in with one another. It was one of the best moves (in my opinion) that I could’ve made in my life. I had the opportunity to interact with him on an intimate level and learn his ways before jumping into anything more serious, I guess.

For the past month he’s been sort of out of it. There were times that he’d go on the balcony and stare into space. I couldn’t seem to grab his attention a lot of those times. When I asked, he said he wasn’t the man he wishes to be. Eventually, he admitted that he needed to move out to get some space.

Today ended our two year affair. My heart aches because yet again I didn’t see this coming. But at the same time I’m sort of hopeful that if he’s not “the one,” then the door is open for “the one” to come. After all, I did mention in my earlier entry, From Kissed to Dissed, that I didn’t believe he was my forever.

I sit in our apartment and look at his things. A part of me wants to begin packing them and place them near the door, but it would only be out of spite. I don’t want any drama for either of us. It’s unnecessary. Life goes on.

Such a bittersweet moment in my life right now. I wish things would have been different.

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