So the Calamity Part I spiraled into a web of Calamity Part II. I left the guy I spoke of in Part I to be alone with his shadows on the shore. I don’t regret my decision either. It was either fight his battles or hold on to the bit of dignity I had. I chose the latter.
With tears in my eyes and more strength than I ever imagined, I sailed away from our island. The boat I built for two had become a boat for one. But I think that one of his shadows leaped on my boat and I’ll tell you why.
On my journey, I experienced waves the size of mountains. And I didn’t think that I would survive the course but thankfully God instilled in me a spirit that continuously lifts me to heights I never knew existed.
The first wave shook me not far from when I left shore. The guy I waited for saw me struggle to stay afloat, yet he sat in his same spot in the sand. He didn’t dive in after me, proof that he wasn’t who he he’d become. The second wave hit in the middle of the ocean. There was no one for me to cry out to but God – and even then I didn’t have the strength to call His name. I just closed my eyes and clinched my hands tightly. In my thoughts I was okay with dying. Alone in an ocean is better than being alone among familiar faces. This was my decision.
When I reached my home shore, I realized my people were invaded and uprooted to someplace unknown. Now the land is filled with terror and trickery. I have to be careful not to get caught in a tangled web of lies and deceit, so rather I try to fit in. But finding allies is like pinning a needle in a haystack. I don’t know who I can tell of my venture; not sure who to trust with my secrets. So I remain quiet.
I lay with one of the invaders but I’m not sure which side he embraces. In my presence he seems familiar but there are times he doesn’t acknowledge me as his own. Within a few nights he began to lick, suck and love. A task previously delegated to the stranger I left behind on the island.
Slow and steady wins the race; but the motion of the ocean still taunts me. I no longer know how to embrace what I’ve been searching for all this time. It’s difficult to let go of shadows formed before and after I left the island. And my heart aches that I can’t entrust this new stranger with helping me find my way. Last night I tried to ask for help, but he ignored the request and fell asleep on my side.
I’d like to say that this is the end of my Calamity but I hope for a better ending; so, I won’t say goodbye, rather see you later…in Part III