I want to be swept away again.
Nothing personal against J., but I’m frustrated that I haven’t dated a guy that’s financially sound since my ex, T. T. is a guy that I dated for three years when I was an 18-year old sophomore in college. He was 25. During that period, he paid for 90% of our daily activities. I didn’t have the money, but when I did, he’d only let me pay some of the time. Texas born and raised, his motto was “as a man, he should pay for his lady.”
At the age of 22, I dated a 30-year old personal trainer for Bally Total Fitness. I found out that his mother paid his rent and phone bill. I paid for all of our activities. At the time, I didn’t think too much of it, because I did it out of generosity. I remembered T. did it for me. It wasn’t until he got a good paying job that I learned he had no interest in giving back.
After him, my next real relationship was with my ex-husband. Before he proposed, he paid for most things, but it was more half and half. I’m okay with half and half. His job paid well and he wooed, wined, and dined me. We had a great time together. After he purchased my wedding bands, he fell on financial distress. I began helping out more and more, not realizing the magnitude of the problem. After we got married, I learned that he owed everyone (banks, IRS, others, etc.). It was as if he was living off of borrowed funds. It was quite frustrating. Before you give me the “well you married him,” spill, I have to say that it was completely poor misjudgment on my end.
A year and a half ago, I started dating J. I learned that he made good money and I had hopes that he would “center” me again, just as T. did. Except, he admitted that he had debt, and that coming from the military where money was just thrown at him, he didn’t practice saving very much. He did, however, promise me that he would make a conscious effort. He didn’t want to be like my ex-husband.
To make a long story short, he’s been trying to correct his debts. But I must admit, his ridiculous $750 car lease drives me insane. That could be money that he uses to take me out every so often. (I’m old school fellas, forgive me – but my heart is genuine). Better yet, we discussed touring Europe this Christmas back in April. He can’t pay his half because of his car note and those damn standing bills. I know he’s bettering himself, but it still aggravates me each time I opt to pay for something like keeping his cellphone on in case of emergencies, or have to pay for when we go out to the movies.
I don’t want for him to be like me. I just want for him to be able to help me out much more. If he can’t do that (after this is all said and done) then I may have to move forward. Right now, I just want to have fun! I have no kids, no husband, no real responsibilities outside of my own. So if I’m not trying to catch up on bad spending habits, why should I feel that way? If this were the perfect world, I would have left our relationship open so that I could go out while he gets himself together. After dealing with four years of “financial dependence” from others, I am ready to start enjoying my money equally with someone.