Ever had the unsettling feeling that your relationship wasn’t headed in the way that you hoped? Maybe you are one of the many who avoid relationships out of fear it will end like the countless others. If this sounds like you, then no worries!
Below are ten reasons relationships tank. Within each section you will also find ways to rekindle that old flame.
1. Lack of Sexual Satisfaction. There’s no denying that relationships that partake in an adequate amount of sex are healthier. Sex helps to create a harmonious connection in the spiritual and physical realm between you and your lover.
Some women withhold sex from their male counterpart as a means to punish them. I strongly advise against this. Women should realize that men are physical beings and denying sex is not the way to settle a dispute or get a point across.
On the other hand, men should understand that women are emotional beings and usually need more enticing from an emotional perspective. Men should work hard to make sure that his women stays wet for him and him only. The key to keeping a woman wanting more is to indulge in mental foreplay before pounding her with the physical. This may mean calling the woman during the day to tell her that he’s thinking of her, or even that he can’t wait to come home to make love to her. And yes – physical foreplay should not be ignored when keeping a woman interest.
Both parties should partake in oral satisfaction. If you don’t know how, I suggest you learn. Keep in the back of your mind, if you don’t, someone else will. No excuses.
2. Lack of Respect. You may ask yourself why someone would stay in a relationship where they aren’t treated with respect. Well, your guess is as good as mine, but we know it happens often. Whether it’s snooping through your lover’s personal items, not respecting their time, or value in your life; if not careful you can lose your lover easily. Be sure to respect your partner’s mental awareness, physical space, emotional stance, and spiritual values. Often, people use the excuse that respect is earned not given. This is acceptable toward co-workers and even friends; but, when you go the extra step with someone to become exclusive, respect should become automatic.
3. Someone is too Dispensable. Plain and simple, you have to be indispensable in order to be valued. This applies to your career, your role in your religious organization, and even relationships. If your lover is doing all of the work while you sit back and reap the benefits, chances are you are on a rocky slope and don’t even know the rocks are moving. Figure out what you can do to make yourself indispensable in the relationship.
4. Misguided Communication Leads to Isolation. How do you expect to learn and trust someone if the communication is limited? Amazingly I’ve met married women who have best male friends on the side. My question to them was, “why marry someone other than your best friend?” Ironically, they’ve always skirted around the issue.
Now, remember there is such a thing as being too open. You shouldn’t tell your partner things that will intimidate them or keep them wondering what you meant by the statement.
5. Someone Forgets to Live. Be sure to live! Live your life with your partner and not for your partner.
It’s okay to hang out with family and friends every once in awhile. Your partner is not going anywhere – trust me. If one person shuns family and friends, not only is it hazardous to your relationships with your family and friends, but it’s hazardous to your relationship. People need space! Take a look at your situation and determine if you are smothering your relationship.
6. Unkept Appearances. Keep in mind that your lover interacts with the opposite sex on a daily basis. Just because you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that should stop doing your hair, wearing your favorite cologne, avoid shaving, or even breaking out the granny panties.
The mother with three kids at the grocery store should not have a her hair done better than yours. There’s no reason for a woman to walk around the house with a scarf on her head every time her husband walks through the door. Nor should a man always wear the same dingy house clothes. Allow the other person to embrace your beauty and remember what they have. So keep it poppin and be sure to keep their eyes rockin! Lol
7. Living Off Past Expectations. Most of us have experienced heartbreak in our past relationships. Be careful not to associate the actions of your present lover with our past. The old saying is true – don’t allow the past to dictate the present. Constantly digging in your memory bank is unhealthy and will push anyone away. No one wants to relive your past with you – especially if they are trying to move forward from their own. It’s okay to be aware and keep “red flag signals” in the forefront of your mind so that you are careful not to get in another abusive, or unhealthy relationship. However, you should also keep in mind that every person is different.
For example, Jerome was an ex of mine that use to turn off his phone each time he came home from work. I later learned it was to hide the calls from the women he was cheating with. When Bobby came in my life, he did the same thing. I suspected that he was cheating also until we argued about it constantly and he showed me that it was just because he didn’t want to be bothered by anyone while he was in the house. I had to learn that Bobby was different than Jerome. You must learn to do the same in your own experiences.
Also, be sure to keep in mind that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, either big or small.
8. Lack of Compatibility. Opposites attract right? Well – not exactly and not always! Learn to separate being compatible for being complimentary. Just because your lover is the complete opposite from you doesn’t mean that he/she is the right person. Positive and negative energy can only co-exist for a short period of time. Think about your own personal relationships and friendships. More than likely you are paired with people similar to you. In order to be sure that your relationship will work, you must have equal yolk. Someway and somehow your relationship will remind you that you must be 100% compatible in order for it to work.
Being complimentary is nice, but mainly for friendships. Look at your lover and jot down things that you two have in common. This can be a clear guide to how compatible you are.
9. Use of the Inappropriate Terms. We’ve all said things we shouldn’t have said. We’ve all heard it being told to someone else. And no matter what side of the fence we are on, we know that there’s a line being crossed when we say certain things to our lover. Especially in an argument. You must realize that when you throw “negative terms” around in a relationship, it instantly puts limitations in your partner’s head. Your relationship will not last if your partner is stronger than your words.
10. Lack of Commitment. In order to have a healthy relationship both parties must remain committed to the relationship. Both parties have to foresee the long-term plan and move toward it.